.... Its amazing to me how clichés come to be.  Like for instance, just when you think things are going your way, shit hits the fan.  When you doubt that things could get any worse, you are shown that they can, and often do.   What brings that to mind?  Another horrible event filled my life even more recently.  A few short months ago, after my breakup with Jose, and during my many travels to and from Costa Rica to visit my ex boyfriend Paul, I met and fell in love with very sweet 18 year old boy. 

 The night I met William was quite bizarre indeed.   I had just finished doing a 3 some with 2 brothers in my hotel room, when they decided to invite me to a local gay bar.   We took a cab and went to bar Greco, located in San Pedro, the outskirts of San Jose. The bar was very dimly lit, only a few people.   Not a single person spoke English, which was a bit uncomfortable, but was a good incentive for me to continue my learning of Spanish by immersion.    As I sat in the middle of the two brothers, and attempted conversation with a few of the boys near by, in walked a breath taking young guy, with a fire in his eyes that just about knocked me off of my chair.   When I looked into his eyes, I saw his soul.  I saw a person beyond belief.  Not only did William resemble my previous Costa Rican boyfriend Paul, but also he had many of the same qualities as Paul had.  I could not stop staring at William.  I completely forgot about the brothers sitting next to me and could feel myself straying from them.  I didnt care; because there was something about this attraction that was different from any other.  This was so powerful I would have knocked someone over to talk to this person, something I would usually never do.  

 My first words to William were whether he had a brother named Paul.  The resemblance was astounding, that it just had to be a relative.  Of course my Spanish was so awful that I think William said yes, just to shut me up.  When in fact, he was not related to Paul    I could not get enough of this guy.   He was cute, and funny, the life of the bar.  Everyone knew him and gravitated toward him.   I couldnt take my eyes off of him.  It was like he was a magnet.   I stared at him for what seemed to be forever.  I wanted to know him more.   I continued to smile and talk in Spanish.   After about 15 minutes, everyone at Greco bar was starting to leave the bar, including the boys I had come with.  William turned to me and said, Venga, (Come here).   So I did, following the crowd of guys out the front door onto the street.   It appeared that we were all going to get in a cab to go to La Avispa, the dance bar.  William told me to get in the cab first, and as William followed me in the taxi, he slammed the taxi door in his friends faces and told me we should go to my hotel.   A new chapter in my life had begun in an instant. 
 
 William, not to my surprise, had been a prostitute.  Although he denied that he was doing it currently, and although he had never asked me for money, I know that he prostituted for survival.  Williams father had had thrown him out since age 14, and many times he had to eat by working the street.  In fact, William was so pretty, that many times he hooked not only as a cute boy, but also as a pretty girl.  No, not a drag queen, but a beautiful sweet Latin girl.  His face was so pretty that he was so believable.  He got away with it very easily and Im sure made good money since Costa Rica has such high tourism looking for sex.  Coming from the street, William was also very connected to the underworld of Costa Rica as well.  Lots of cocaine, and lots of robbing of gringos whenever he or his friends could.   To fall in love with a hooker, it was beginning to be another Pretty Woman.  The boy stayed with me for a month, and was very good; very loving, and very caring indeed.   Telling me of his life, and opening up to me in a way no one has.  One day, at the Hotel he walked in with a huge bunch of flowers, everyone at the pool was in awe.  You found you a good one Chris, the Baron from France said,

 I think this boy really loves you.  Pay no attention to his past, he had to survive, but feel in your heart what he has been offering you, I can see this boy really loves you Hearing those words touched my heart, and offered me validation as well.  
 
 William and I, even though he spoke not a word of English, did not have much trouble talking.  My Spanish had progressed so well, as long as he would talk slow to me and substitute words that I understood.  We talked about some pretty deep stuff.  Like how his father was a drunk and used to beat the shit of himself (showing me the scar on his head), or how he used to Whore on the street corners for quick bucks.   We would laugh, kiss, cry, and share every emotion possible together.   He would take me to the bar as he would get ready to perform female impersonations, and we would go to the grocery store to buy manni or peanuts to snack late night after the bars.  He was not shy, very upfront about being gay.  Everyone in San Jose knew him; he was amazing.   He would tell the cab drivers to fuck off if they didn't like him and I kissing, or tell some straight jackass to suck his dick, while we were walking to find a cab after leaving the bar.  The boy had no fear. He took me to places around people that most people would run from.  I was in situations that I knew could be dangerous, but I felt safe with him.  Imagine that, me safe with some 18-year-old Costa Rican boy who didnt speak English.   I fell head-over-heals in Love with him. 

 I fell in love so hard, that I began talking to William about coming back very soon.  I couldnt bare leaving Costa Rica; I extended my trip another week, but after that week needed to get home for appointments.   I was going to visit Michele in NY, then get to my CAT scans and Dr. appointments.  William said he understood, only if I promised to be back by his birthday, telling me that we were going to get married on that day

  Not being home more than a week.. I made new reservations to go back to Costa Rica to see him again.   We spend the next week together doing everything; enjoying his music La Ley, eating Dim Sung, and Arroz Cantonese, making love, laughing, and talking about me moving to Costa Rica.   Looked to me, like I was finally heading somewhere.  My life seem to have a bit of purpose again, and someone new was having the same thoughts as me.  Our last night together, we both cried for about 2 hours.   No se Va, (dont go back), Te amo ( I love you)  all with tears and hugs, holding each other as if it was our last night together.   While I cried, I grabbed Williams hand, and pointed to the moon that he had noticed while sitting on the bed, and said, When you are lonely and think of me, look up at the moon (mira la luna) and then look at the ring I gave you and remember that I am doing the same thing in Florida.  Yo mira la luna y pienso a ti mucho.  (I look at the moon and  think of you much).  I promised William I would be back for his birthday to be back soon.

 I wasnt back a week when I got the phone call.   William and his friends had gone to the beach, allegedly running away from pissed off drag queen that held a gun to his head.  He called me from the beach to tell me he was staying there for a week and wanted to know when I was coming back.  He begged me to come back soon.  I said I would be there in 2 weeks, he was so happy when I told him those words.   I told him to be careful, as I had been having horrible nightmares for a week that bad things were happening.  He told me not to worry, let me talk to his friend a minute, told me he loved me, and hung up the phone.  He said he would call me manana en la manana, tomorrow in the morning.   I never heard from William again.

 My sister and her family were in from Colorado for the week, and we decided to go to dinner for the last night out.  We all met at outback, had a wonderful time, ate and drank, and just enjoyed the family together.  I was on my way home when my cell phone rang.  It was James calling from Costa Rica to tell me that he had heard a rumor that William was missing and that he might have drowned at the beach.  My heart stopped a beat.  Questioning the source of where we had heard it from, I told him I would call him back as soon as I got home.   My heart was in my throat, as I dialed the few connections that I had in Costa Rica, online and by telephone.  My pulse was up and I was praying like Ive never prayed before; on my knees before GOD outside, in the night, with no moon.  At that moment I remembered the last night William and I were together, that if we missed each other we would look up at the moon.   I looked for La Luna (the moon) all night long.  As amazing as it was to me that it was out the night before and not tonight, I searched until 3 am while waiting to hear more news.  Slowly, more bad news came in, but all hear say, no facts.  I took a ton of xanax and some ambien and went to bed.  

 The phone rang at 10:30 am...... it was my friend Litho from Costa Rica.  Im sorry Chris, its true, they found his body washed up on the rocks., I lost it.   I burst out crying hysterically and couldnt believe what I was hearing.  My new found love, whom I was dreaming about a new life with, dead.  Tears down my cheeks, in my eyes, on my shirt, and in my nose, I ran outside to yell at GOD, and to smoke a cigarette.   Looking up at the cursed heavens, I noticed a full moon out in the late morning right over my head.  This didnt help my tears, Ill tell you that much.   I felt as though William was telling me, Papi, la luna.... I still get nervous in my stomach when I think of that moment

 I arranged the tickets in a matter of moments online to leave the next morning early from Miami..  I packed up a bag, called my friend Jose who speaks English, and flew out at 5 am the next day.  My friend Manuel was there to pick me up from the airport.  It was so nice to see a familiar face.  I asked him where my friend Jose was, as he was going to meet me at the airport.  Manuel said that we were going to pick him up now.  The tears began to flow again, remembering the last time I was at the airport when William was there too.  Getting sadder and sadder by the moment.  We arrived at the meeting place where Jose waited.  I jumped out of the car and hugged Jose and cried in his arms.  Jose had known William and all his friends for years.  It was a good connection for me. 

 We got to Hotel Colours around 11 am...  Williams best friend Alberto, Costa Rica's highest priced hooker, was sitting in the chair by the pool crying hysterically.  He had had a fight with William and Ronald and was feeling guilty that they would not have gone to the beach if it was not for the fight.  I embraced Alberto, and in his mixed Spanish, he cried in my arms.  Thinking I would have time to relax, was not a fact, Jose got a call that the body was being moved today.  We had a few minutes to get to the morgue as I wanted to put some things in the casket.  A dried rose that William had stuck in my suitcase when I left in February, and a stuffed bunny I had bought him for Easter, and a picture of William and I at dinner.  A friend of Williams had arranged a cab for the day, which worked out fine.  So in the beat up red taxi we drove to the morgue. 

 I told Jose I wanted to see the body.  Jose said, you are not allowed.  The father wont let you, hes drunk and has knows you are gay  Ronald, Albertos brother and friend told the father it wasnt about him.. That William was in love with me, and thats why I was here.  And that William would have wanted this.  The father said no first, and then changed his mind.  They still said I couldnt see the body.   Jose said I wasnt allowed, but later on I found out he lied to me for my own good.

 The funeral really sucked ass.   I do not believed I have ever cried so much in my life.  First the Casket was brought to the viewing place.  When I walked in, this is where I lost it.  All of Williams friends were surrounding me as you would the widow; two on each of my shoulders, as I held back the hysteria.  I had brought from the states a two mass cards.  One I gave to Ronald and Alberto, the other I handed to his mother as I met her for the first time at the viewing.  The friends lead me to the coffin; I put my hand out and touched the gray velvet coffin, with a viewing panel, which remained closed for me.   The minute I touched the coffin, I shuddered, and had to sit down.   We only stayed for a few minutes; they had waited for us to show up, and after 10 minutes, lifted the coffin and moved it to the station wagon, which was decorated with hundreds of flowers.  Reminding me of Princess Dis funeral on TV.   I was moved into a van which followed the almost hearse.  We drove around the town of zappote directly to the cemetery.   I watched as they lifted and transported the casket around the winding walkway, past many tombstones, to a mausoleum.   There stood a vacant hole in which they slowly brought the coffin down to the lowest level, and slid it in the dark hole.  People gathered around and pushed me to the front where I knelt with Alberto.  Crying and moaning, and more crying, and suddenly Williamss mother screamed out, WILLIAM, mi hijo and fell to the ground.  I ran to the mother and put water on her face and put her legs up.  She woke up in minutes, but for a brief minute I thought I was going to have to perform CPR the same day.  Thank God that didnt happen.   I then went back to the hole where I took a daisy, Williams favorite flower, and put it in the hole on top of the coffin.   Remembering that our picture is on his chest, the bunny next to him with the rose in its paws, and daisys on top of the coffin. 

 Just when I thought that was about as enough emotion that I could handle.   The bricklayer began to close up the tomb; Brick by brick, brick by brick.  I was now defined as a basket case.   I went back to the 1/2 open tomb, threw in a carnation, and yelled out of the quiet, TU LINGUA.  This was Williams favorite phrase, which was kind of like Kiss my ass.   The silence broke as everyone stopped for a minute and laughed.  Something that I have always been gifted to do, make people smile when they really needed it, this time, It was for me.