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Christopher Blatus, RNC
1005 26th Avenue
Vero Beach, Florida 32960

My Journal
 (my thoughts, my dreams, and some of my nightmares...)



Welcome to my Journal!  This excerpt started back when I was undergoing serious medical problems, chemo from lymphoma and the list of ailments associated with that.   Now that I am in remission and all seems to be going well.  I have decided to keep in touch via this Journal.  Sharing my life's hardships with the rest of the world by the internet has helped me very much.   It has also inspired others so I continue to write and thank you for visiting.

Ya think in this world that you live forever, we get all caught up in the day to day about girlfriends, and boyfriends, or sports, or  hobbies.... and then one day, we realize that life can have limits.  We do take advantage of life and the wonders that the world has to give, by not taking a second to smell the roses, or hear the birds, or taste the water.   Please, do all of those, and take a second to realize all that you do have, cause ya never know what lies behind that next turn!

Currently I am celebrating my 18th month in Remission, but what a roller coaster it has been.  Especially in regards to my relationships... My last boyfriend died in a drowning accident, and the one before ended the relationship in the middle of chemo.   Not fun, let me tell you.

Below is my Journal  and or Weekly Entries, hope you enjoy.  Just to share some of the shit I have been through this last year!

"Two Hands As One"


November 10, 2002

Life is like a box of chocolates?  Hmmm... not sure what that's about, but I sure love eating chocolate this week.    They say that chocolate offers the same satisfaction as sex.  It also is good if you are menstruating, which maybe that's been my problem.   Am I on the rag?  Oh gosh, I sure hope so....

Since the last update, what's up?   Well, I've come to the decision that I physically at this time can not work full time.   Each time I come close to 40 hours, I get an upper respiratory infection or some other stupid minor ailment.   Of course it could very well be mental.  So it will be part time work very soon.   As soon as my job can find someone to take my place.   Next month I have to go to Dallas for an AIDS convention, and then after that, who knows where.   I think I am going to start doing some fund raising stuff and getting more active in the advocacy programs.   The system sure needs a tune up.

I've been kinda staying in bed a lot this week.   Of course falling in the shower didn't help my motivation.. ouch.. Im sore all ova.   Jose and I have been talking a lot lately.   Having some distance is actually making this thing very interesting.   I think if I can just keep a bit of emotional distance, we actually might be able to enjoy each other's companionship.    It might be  dead end road, but I am always optimistic, aren't you?

So, I have a question for you all.  What do you think about friendships that just drift apart? How many times does one try to make amends?   When do you really just let it go and stop thinking about it?   One of my best friends continues to ignore my existence in this world these days, and it really bothers me.   He is someone who I thought I would trust my life with, someone who I could count on to pull the plug if need be.  And now?  Who the hell knows what has gone through his head.   I know that he blames me for the distance, but in fact, it is mostly his own fault.   Any advice would be great!

Shane, and ex from my past and I had a long talk this week.   Seems he's doing quite well in Savannah with his boyfriend.   We had not really talked much since he and I had gone to New York City right before the World Trade Center travesty.   It was good to talk to him and find out he's doing good.   One a love, always a part of your heart, is what I always say.  No matter how much pain, or how much heart ache..... Always in my heart~~~  Am I dumb?

So.. this is the update for you to enjoy... Hope I didn't bore you too much..  PS... Its been 20 months of Remission.   I can not "FKING" believe it.   It's like it all happened to someone else.  The chemo, the needles, the vomiting, the constipation, the blood transfusions.   All a distant memory, but still there.   Beating cancer can be done... I really think that 90 percent of it is your love, your compassion, and your internal Fight to win.   I am sure that one day, Ill have some other medical crisis to worry about... but for now.  I am loving the fact that I have the ability to still love, to cry, to laugh, and to LIVE.   So if you are going through shit... and are scared, just know, that your fear can be changed into strength, that your tears into courage, and that your desire to conquer will turn into success!!!!

You are not alone, you will never be alone!   Love to you ... Forever!  In and out of CyberSpace!!!    Christopher Blatus RN


October 31, 2002

Lions and Tigers and Bears, oh my!!  Who the hell knows why I just wrote that, but hey, it was different!

This month I have completed my 18th month in remission.  I've got to say that physically I feel fine.   Everything is going well so far.   Emotionally who the hell knows.  At this point I am at times so confused about where to go next.   I have been working for a Doctor's office, and so far it's been great.  But this Medicare, Medicaid, Disability crap is really frustrating.  They say you can work, but it's really bullshit.   I try to work, and then feel like crap, getting tired, and all, it's just for the birds.   Will I ever really get back to a normal life?   Will I be able to work full time again?

Relationship wise...  I almost believe that it's time to become a lesbian.  I try to make things work with the guys in my life, and it just doesn't seem to be in the cards.   I go back to the past, into the future, and back into the past again.    It's so hard to let go of the past loves of my life.  I just wish sometimes I could just let go, but I keep finding myself obsessing over lost loves, or trying to recapture feelings that have been buried.   I don't regret it all the time, in fact, sometimes going back into my past is comfortable and safe, but it sure can suck at times too.

I've been trying to focus on other things... and then I seem to get bored.   Traveling has not been the answer, as I feel it's just running away from my life.  We all know that never works.   And trying to sort out the reality of the here and now, that's doesn't seem to be getting anywhere either.   It's funny how I feel sometimes I have the answer to everyone else's problems, and many times I can't solve a one of my own.    Kinda fucked up?   Or is that everyone's reality?   Does anyone really know how to be happy?

I find myself staring at the moon many nights, remembering William and the short time that we shared.   The love so strong, and the comfort of that brief relationship.   Is that healthy?  I find that if I stare at the picture of the two of us, or hold the bunny rabbit that I gave him, I feel at piece and that thoughts of seeing him again (dying) are comforting.   Am I depressed?   And then I think of Jose, and that love being so close to real, and that being something that could be rekindled.   Is that wrong?   Is that sane?

And if I told you Jose and I spent last weekend together, and had a great time.  And that the emotions that were finally put to rest, have been opened up again.. Would you say Im crazy?  In need of therapy?

I think my questions are rhetorical, but maybe they really should be answered.  So, do I answer them?  Or do I wait for someone else to do me the honors?   I guess only time will tell!

Cuidate (take care)


October 15, 2002

I am still trying to figure out some kind of pattern relationship between when I feel like things are getting better emotionally, and the point just before they crap out on me again.   The roller coaster is very disparaging at times.   In June and August in Costa Rica I thought I had something beginning almost on the same level as William .  Cesar has so many of the qualities that William possessed, that I guess transference got the best of me and it was William I was trying to reinvent.   Cesar pretty much ended things after day 2 of a 13 day stay.   So for the first few days, I was in a slump and feeling pretty damn ugly.   About day four, my good friends David, Patrica, and James had a fabulous Dinner Party.  Although Patricia's wonderful scalloped potatoes took 2 1/2 hours to make, they were surely good.   Well worth the wait.   We had a great time discussing life and our realities.  David was just diagnosed with prostate cancer so I have been trying to be supportive for him and be a door to his needs.   He is now out of costa rica and in Miami waiting to see what is going to be happening in his treatment.  I have referred him to my guru Fred Weeks, MD.  I know something great can happen...He is in my prayers, and I ask William to keep an eye on him for me.

I started taking this new crap called Coral Calcium, anyone heard of it?   Well, supposed to be a great antioxidant that makes ya look young, and feel good.   Higher labido, and nicer skin.   So, ask me in a few days how I feel.  Ill let you know.   Howard, my ex lover of 10 years, is still mouring the passing of his father who died suddenly while waxing his car.   The family is in our prayers and so are you Howard.  I am very heartfelt for your loss.

Tim and Gary have been on the up and downs, but Im glad that things seem to be working in their direction.  Fifteen years is a long time to throw away.  It can be done.. It really can!

So, I continue to be single.  Occassionally thinking about Jose Martes in Miami, Paul Castro in Boston, William who died in Costa Rica, and even Cesar who dogged me for some other guy Im sure.   I'm trying to focus on home, and family.   I know that if I just surrender to Job, family, and love of me, that all will fall into place when it's to be.   I am so confident that is going to happen, that I feel the anxiety and have to pop a xanax.   Its disparing at times, but it is not Sadness, just another limbo.

The new house looks good.... I think Ill be posting some pictures this week.   The inside is the bomb.  Next up is the outside and some landscaping.   My health is doing well.   I feel pretty good.  Not used to the morning stuff at work, but I am getting myself out of bed and getting there by 10am.   This is a trial period to see if I can handle work, so far, it's a crap shoot.

Well... remember to love yourself... I know I forget all the time.  Think Deep thoughts of all you have loved, and very soon they will think and maybe come to you for a visit.  Try to remain postive even though planes crash, people get shot by snipers, and killed by warefare.   We can focus on Love.. remember how much love we felt for one another on 9/11..... That was a good direction we were going in... we need to keep it that way!

Well.. enough of my chanting.   You are the only one who should really give a rats ass about you!   And dont you forget it.  If you happen to be lucky enough to have someone else who cares?? Well shit... whats there phone number... I can use one of those!!!!!!!!


September 27, 2002

Hey!!!  And how have you been doing?   I've been doing great!   Work has been going well so far.   It's a bit tiresome to be back in the grind, but I'm trying hard.   California was very nice.. oh my the weather was fabulous.  No humidity and in the 80's.. much better than Florida weather.

I'll be leaving on Wednesday to go back to Costa Rica.  I'm going back to visit Cesar.   I think there might be something there worth cultivating, too soon to know, but I'm going.   My job doesn't have a contract signed yet, so I'm kinda having to cut the hours back until that happens.

The health status is still doing strong.   I  feel great!   Get tired easy, but hey, it's better than the alternative.   And working with Dr. Pierone's office in Fort Pierce has been great!  The people I work with are awesome  Hi to Dawn, Irene, Jackie, Mirna, Kisha, Dorothy, and Max!!  They area fabulous... We all went to a benefit at the Club Byrd Cage for PFLAG and had a great time.  They raised about 3000.00 which a portion will be going to AIDS Research and Treatment Center.    Such a great time we had....

Well,  I hope that things are calm and loving in your life.    The new house has been nice.  Living with my sister has been maintenance free.. and all is well!


September 11, 2002

Well today was one year from the horrible nightmare in NY.   Can you believe it's been a year?  Oh my time does fly.  Well, the house is great, Im working my butt off... more than part time.   And next week I leave for California for the United States AIDS conference for work.  Should be an interesting time with lots of great knowlege.   Then, on 2nd of October I leave for Costa Rica again to see Cesar and my other friends.   I just can't get that place out of my blood.  I am sure I will move there one day, but for now, Im doing ok the way things are.   Im still single, with no plans not to be.   A part time boyfriend here and there is fine, but thats it.  Thats the good thing about Costa Rica, close, yet far!

I tried to contact Jose the other day, just to be nice.  Imagine me, being nice.  Jose is the guy that broke up with me in the middle of chemotherapy.  Well, I tried to get an update on how he was, but he was rude and very elusive as it's none of my business how he is.  We have nothing to talk about!   What a shit head!  All because I didn't stop him from paying me back money, of which I actually didn't care about.   Oh well, ya can't be loved by the whole world.

Debra is 1/2 way through her divorce.  Poor gal, I feel so bad for her.   And this week she goes to Atlanta to get her implants removed.  She says that they are leaking!  UGH... if it's not one thing it's something else.

Dad is going in for knee surgery tomorrow!  Other than that he's doing fine.  The whole brood is good.   My last CAT scan was fabulous.. 18 months now into remission.  Can hardly believe it!



August 31, 2002

Well 40 has come and gone!   Ya know what?  The age of forty is no big deal.  In fact, I kinda like it!   My friends and family had a birthday party for me, it was very nice.  Thanks to them all!   I had a great time.   My sister Jean and I are in our new house.    I can't believe we survived the move.  It certainly was a lot of work to get the inside of the place looking decent.   Then next step now is an outside renovation, but that can wait a little bit.

My new job, working for the AIDS Research center has been great.   Jackie and Irene are wonderful along with the rest of the gang.   It's been a great feeling to start to work again.   I hope the body can hold out and I dont push myself too hard.  I am trying to only do it part time to start, but tell ya what, once ya get working, the clock just seems to click by fast.   I will be a liason between AIDS patients and their treatment team.  The program is called the Emerging Communities Program and its funded by Ryan White.   Wish me luck, I certainly hope I can make a difference.   I will be travelling to California next month for the United States AIDS Conference, and then in Decemeber going to Dallas.   Sometime in between I need to go back to Costa Rica to see my friends.   Wow..... Life... it's a blast!

Cher was fabulous in New Orleans!  Cyndi Lauper was the bomb as well.   Michael had a great birthday there, in fact, we snuck down and got floor seats row 18!   You know me, gotta figure out a way to get an upgrade!! :)   So we did!   Wound up with 300.00 dollar seats for only 80.00.   Michael met some guy he really liked there, so all was good for his birthday!   I think I have now, officially spent time with just about every ex-boyfriend I have had in the last 3 years.   Only one remains, but the times we have spoke on the phone I think is enough!   So, now that I've decided to become a lesbian, I think I will find a girlfriend! :)

And?  PFLAG of Vero Beach is going to be helping ARTC and Dr. Pierone's clinic in Fort Pierce!   They are having a benefit at the Byrd Cage in Port St. Lucie, FL and are donating 25% of the proceeds to ARTC.  Thank you PFLAG and thank you President Derek!

Hugs to you all!!!   Just think, 17 months in remission!  It can be done, even when they say you ain't gotta chance!


August 13, 2002

Long time no see!   Sorry it's been a bit since I updated, but hey, I've been so busy lately.  First of all I went back to Costa Rica for a few days and saw my friends.  That was nice, laid back, and worth the trip.   This weekend I am going to New Orleans with some friends to go to see CHER in concert.   It's part of my 40th Celebration and Im quite excited about going.   It's not going to be a long trip there, but short and sweet.  Going with my Friend Michael Jackson, and meeting Martin and Rick there too.

I have begun to work again.  Working for the ARTC which is an AIDS research clinic.   Has been great so far, working with Jackie and Irene and the gang.   Hope that I can handle it!    So far so good, it has been nice getting back into the swing of things, and I have begun it part time working up to full time.   Wish me luck, I'm sure going to need it.

My last CAT scan came back negative, so it's now almost 1 1/2 years in remission.  I have definitely beat the odds on this one.   Thank GOD for that!

Some of you have asked about Debra.   I haven't heard too much, but do know right in the middle of all this medical crap, now she's dealing with a divorce.   I am certain you will keep her in your thoughts, I know I do.

My family is doing great.  All is well.   And the latest big deal is getting ready to move into a new home.   We are purchasing a house, and Jean and I are going to live there.   Finally breaking away from the parents once again.    So, live is in turmoil, but it's a good turmoil... :)

Thanks for checkin up on me and the "brood".   Life is good, it's tough, and it can make ya cry many tears, but just know that what goes crashing down, eventually comes back up!   Keep the thoughts of a smile on your face.

Oh, one more thought.  A very good friend of mine in Tampa just found out he has HIV.   I told him, hey, it's not the end of the world, and you have caught it at a much better time than before.   Please say a little prayer for him.   My thoughts are with him, and my love.


July 19, 2002

Hiya!!   How the Fuk are you? And how have you been?   So glad to see you stopping by again.   Things here are doing ok.   The new house is coming along.  Still a lot of work.  Carpet, Tile, Fixing up broken crap, and the shit of it all is Painting.  Oh my God, that's the worse.   Today I had breakfast with my old "long term" boyfriend Howard.   He has agreed to do the wallpaper in  the bathrooms which has me very happy.   We are trading two "CHER" tickets for the work.   Not a bad deal, and he's happy.

I have to have a CAT scan at the end of this month.   Not looking foward to drinking that white crap, but hey... what ya gonna do.  Ya have to do what ya have to do to live in this world, right?   The cancer is still in remission, and I feel good.  Started going to the gym again, and the extra energy helps too!   Starting to shed some of the excess weight I had put on.

My sister Patty was here for a few weeks with my newphew Marky.  We had a great time all of us.  Had a nice birthday Dinner for mom.  Today is her "official" birthday..  She is my angel, I am so lucky to have her.

My friend Debra was by the house today.  Oh the shit sometimes gets high before you can breath.  My heart goes out to her, and she can certainly use more postive thoughts and prayer from you.   She's hanging on by a thread, but, I know that thread is not going to break.   She has a lot of strength and one day she is going to look back and say, "Holy Shit, Where did I get the strength to deal with all that bullshit.  She is great soul, and a lovely person.   I am very glad she is near, and I know she feels the same way.  When we met it was like "destiny" in that Oncology office in Vero Beach.  All because she was wearing this really kewl Sandals.   I love her and know that it's all going to be good not too far in the future...

Well.. Let's see if I am missing anything.   I go tomorrow for the interview for the job.   They said they will take me on part time to start, and then we can work into the full time thing.    Thats going to do me a lot of good mentally.

See you in CyberSpace......   Christopher

Michele, Margie, and Me at La Parma!

July 11, 2002

Well let's see what's been going on.   I've been sending out my resume to obtain some work.  Going to try to get back into the work thing.   It's very scarey indeed.   The chance of losing all my medical benefits is a reality, yet I just can't continue this sitting around waiting for bad things to happen.   I miss my friends in Costa Rica, It's such an escape from reality, but is that mentally healthy?   I wish I knew.   Some friends say follow my heart, but it has always gotten me in trouble.   I've been in remission now 15 months.   I was reading some of the literature that I got back when I started the chemo and I have more than doubled the survival statistics.   It's so nice to beat the odds.  Maybe it's time to play the lottery.    Recently I made a memorial video about Costa Rica and my boyfriend who died.   It was quite an emotional ordeal, but I am really glad I did it.   If you would like to see it, here' the link.  Check it out when your done reading my updates.   The link is Click Here to see my VIDEO with  Fast Internet Access  if you have Dial Up then  Click here for Slower Internet Access .

Going to be moving soon.   Buying a new house in Vero Beach.  Guess I'm going to be puting down some roots again.  Not sure if I like that, but I guess it's time to move on with my life.  My family is doing great.   The trip to NY was wonderful.  Ate like a pig as always, had a great night with Michele and Margie at La Parma Restaurant.  That place has the best Linguini and Clam sauce in the world.  Well, it's so great that you stopped by and read a bit more of my life's crapola.  It's people like you that make this whole project worth doing.  Thank you again for being compassionate and caring, and for those of you who still give me the encouragement to go on, I LOVE YOU!!!!     Christopher

June 30, 2002

The trip back to Costa Rica was a test for me.   I wanted to see if I actually had put closure on William's death and going  back to the cemetary was a good test for me.   The morning that I planned on going it was pouring rain outside.   Rainning like cats and dogs.   A friend of mine stopped by and was going to go to the cemetary with me.   The cab ride took 25 minutes to a small town called los zapote.   The rain was making the roads a big mess.   We had a bit of trouble finding the place, but within minutes we arrived.   Amazing enough, the second the car stopped, the rain stopped too.   I jumped out of the cab ahead of my friend and the driver.  I wasn't even sure it was the right place.   As I made my way through the many plots, I found the place where William's body lay.   I had brought a beautiful arrangement of flowers and after only a few moments of silence, and after touching the wall, I was ready to leave.   The minute we got back in the car, the rain begain again.   A nice ending to a very weird experience.

The rest of the trip was wonderful.  Saw a many of my old friends and made a few new ones.    This trip was proved very relaxing and quite rehabiliating.   I even flew to Samara Beach and hung out with my friend's Patricia and James.  Her house is on top of a mountain overlooking the pacific ocean.   Such a great trip overall.  Met great people like Cesar and Abelardo, and in particular Diego.   I'll miss them all, such great people.

This week we begin fixing up my new home... .Yes.. Hard to believe, thats the next step.. A job and a home.

Well.. thats the update.... Off to NY tomorrow to see Michele...


June 5, 2002

Happy June!  Summer is almost here.   Well, in Florida the last few days have been so hot and humid, I say summer is already here.   This past weekend Tim and I went to Orlando to spend the night in Orlando for Gay Day.   We didn't go to the Magic Kingdom, but we had a good time at the parliament house for their T-Dance.    There must have been 5000 guys there, I have never seen it that busy.  One of the great things was that I got to see my good friend Frank and got to meet his boyfriend Tracy.   What a great couple they make!  I am so glad they are happy and get alone so well.   Ya done good Frank, and so did you Tracy! :)

This Friday I leave for San Jose.   I am looking foward to the trip, I feel as though I want to put some flowers on William's grave and see some of my friends now that I'm feeling normal again.  Emotionally speaking of course, because we all know that I am NOT normal!   Losing someone is such a hard thing, but I will tell you, the pain of the loss does get less over time, and the good memories you have for that person give you pleasure once again.   I really do look at my brief relationship with William as a gift from the heaven's.   It really did renew my faith in love.

I really appreciate the input I have had from some of you who have read my manuscript for my book.   The input has been very constructive, and surprisingly I have not heard many negatives.   It gives me the motivation to keep writing.

Congratulations to my friend Jeff and his new relationship with Michael.   I wish them both the best of luck and that they enjoy getting to know each other in the deepest of ways.  I love ya Jeff.  If it wasn't for you I wouldn't have talked to that medium.

My dearest Debra.   HAPPY BIRTHDAY my friend.   I hope I look as good as you do when I hit your age.   You do look fabulous my dear, especially considering all that you've been through this last year.    I love's ya too, and continue to be strong.   I am sure that the new problems you are experiencing are only temporary, and that soon enough your life is going to take a major turn in a different direction and that you will be smiling from ear to ear.  The hard part is patience, a virtue many of us, me included, do not have much of.    Big hug to you and good luck in West Palm, Atlanta, and Orlando.

Talked with my good friend Michael from Tampa.   He was in a quandry regarding a relationship he was in and asked me for my advice.   I am honored he turned to me for some insight.   He made a tough decision to end it, and I am totally behind his decision.   If someone lies to you in the very beginning of a relationship, and you feel they do not respect others, then the relationship is doomed from the get and staying in it would be a big mistake.   If you can avoid big mistakes by using your values and ideals as a guide, then you are closer to greatness.   I loves ya boo !

Finished getting all my nursing credentials in order.  The CPR went fine, all my CEU's are up to date, and when I get back from Costa Rica, I am going to look at working part time somewhere.   I am going to get back into that work force and start putting my nursing skills to use.   If anyone knows anyone that needs some private nursing, let me know... I can help!  and cheap!

Well, If I don't get to update before I leave, have a great 2 weeks.   Feel free to drop me an email as I will be checking my mail in Costa Rica.   Hugs and Kisses.    You are all in my prayers.  The pain you feel is always temporary, and it will always shed some light onto your mind's eye.

                                                             Tracy, Me, and Frank at Gay Disney

May 31, 2002

Well hey y'all!  Hard to believe that June is just around the clock.   I've been doing some leg work regarding a job.   Getting my certifications finished, this saturday is CPR.   I have sent my resume out and hope that within the next month I will be working again.   I've decided not to worry about my benefits, as I think it will all work out in the wash.

Had a great conversation with my ex Mark last night.   It's amazing the wisdom some people have, no matter what age.   He opened my eyes to some of my stupid mistakes, and he and I talked for almost 2 hours about our relationship back then and some of the lies that I told.   It is good to own up to your own shit, it can set you free.    Owning up to your mistakes and mishaps can offset some of one's bad Karma.

Planning a few more trips before the full time job thing.   Going back to Costa Rica to do some charity work, and have more fun.  Want to visit William's grave site, and want to see some of my friends that were so nice to me during the funeral.   Also going to visit Michele and Linda and the brood in Long Island for July 4th week.   Want to use my free ticket on Southwest Airlines.

I had a dream last night.  It was another bioterroist act causing some type of skin disorders.  Ironically, my friend Jeff had a dream about that as well.  I hope I am not tapping into somebodies plan

Well...thats all for now.  Everyone is doing good so far.   Going for lab work next week.



Tim and I on Bourbon Street

May 18, 2002

Seems the book is going relatively well, I think I mentioned I will be turning it over to an editor in the next few weeks.   I am really excited about the message the book has to bring.   My friend Debra, if it's not one thing it's something else, seems as though they have found some masses in her mouth.  Not sure what to expect, she says she is going to have an MRI next week.   As frustrating as it get's I keep telling her not to give in to the turmoil, that if she keeps the faith, it will all turn out for the best.   Of course the trick is keeping postive, especially when all the shit just keeps piling up.

I enjoyed seeing Jose so much last weekend, that I think that we are going to hang out in Palm Beach tonight.   Even though our past relationship had some major twists and turns, there is still some wonderful feelings we share, and I think it's important that we continue to do so.   It's all in stride, and all in taking things a day at a time.   Right?   Slow and Easy.

I just renewed my Nurses License, and have caught up my CEU's and certifications.   Only have CPR to do next, and then it's off to the races.  I have even inquired about a NY state nurses license as I have considered going to NY for a few months.   The good thing about an RN license is that it is reciprocal in all 50 states, so I think I just have to send them money and I get my lic.

Well, still waiting for some other doors to open up.   The family is doing great.  My blood work is fine, although an increase in liver enzymes freaked me out, but Im told it's nothing to worry about.  So, I worried, and now Im done with worrying.

Tim celebrated his 40th birthday yesterday, he and Gary went out with Howard and Matt and a few other friends to dinner and down to the gay bar Byrd Cage in Port St Lucie.  I hear they all had a great time.   Happy Birthday Timmy!!!

Well... thats the update for the moment.....

Key West's Soutnern Most Point of USA

May 11, 2002

Just got in from Key West, what a month.  First a few days in New Orleans with Tim, and then off to Key West with Jose.   We had a wonderful time together.   Talked about some of the nightmares we both shared last year, and how it changed our lives.  Overall it was a wonderful time.  Of course I figured out a great way to save 75% on the room, and we did it five star at the Wyndam Casa Marina.   We had a fabulous ocean view room with balcony.  Went on the wave runners, lots of margaritas and pina coladas at the beach, and had fun doing the night club thing.

Was putting the final touches on my book, and after 3 hours of revisions my damn lap top crashed, ugh.  Thank goodness I had it saved on Disk, but that really pissed me off!   Next step though is finding a good editor, I have one in mind, and she has offered to read my manuscript.   It's really been quite an experience putting my thoughts and experiences in writing,  a bit more than what this journal has been.    I'm really excited about it, and each time I reread my writings I learn a bit more about myself and the people in my life.

Well.... thats the update....   Stay cool, it's getting hot out there..   ME

May 6, 2002

First off the bat, Deborah is having more surgery.   Seems the implants have to come out :(  Keep her in your thoughts again.  I know she is going to get through all this shit, she just needs to keep up the strength.

Detachment from pain can offer constructive moments of reflection.   Now that the pain is not so severe when I think about Costa Rica, I can now enjoy the happy memories from that time.   It's a good thing, and quite amazing that now I can talk about William and my friends in Costa Rica and not have to feel so burdened by the pain.   I guess I have moved on, and I am so glad about that.

My ex boyfriend Jose came up to visit this past weekend.   It was a wondeful time, I think for both of us.   So nice to be able to feel again.   Not sure if that is going to go anywhere, but the mere fact that Jose is back in my life in some capacity makes me happy.   He is such a great person.   I konw what he had to deal with when I was sick was overwhelming, and maybe now he can get to know the Chris I am; not the Sick Chris I was!

Other than that?  Things here are going ok.   Pretty calm the last few days, ever since I talked to the medium.   Mom and Dad are on a 10 day cruise, and my sister and I have been watching the house.   Lately I've been working hard on my book.   Those who I have shared it with so far have all said good things about what they have read.  It's pretty strange putting my past experiences in writing.  It just opens the door to a lot of memories that I thought I had forgotten.   I'm not sure, but this autobiography might one day be published.  Who knows???

Well, Cudos to all, and happy moments and peace!  Chris

May 1, 2002

Well Hello Dolly's!!!  Oh my God I am still hung over from New Orleans!! (BURP) What a great time we both had!  We arrived on Thursday 25th in the evening, and I don't think we slept much until we got back on Monday 29th.  The hotel we stayed at was in the French Quarter, (french quarter suites) what a nice place it was too.  The help was so friendly and courteous.   We were very impressed by the hospitality.  We went for Jazz Fest weekend, but didn't get to the fest since we were too drunk to sit in the hot sun.  And yes, it was hot as a dickens.  Hotter than Florida that weekend.   Met some very nice people there too.  It was so nice to meet Lawrence  the bartender at bourbon pub and his boyfriend.  I sat on that barstool for hours and chatted with him.   The bars there were a lot different than Florida.  Very small, with a lot of back rooms.   I was actually a good boy and stayed out of those places, can you believe that?  I must be nuts.   Well it was a fun time.  Tim and I got along great, it was the first trip the two of us went on together alone since key west over 20 years ago for Tim's 21st Birthday.

Other than the trip, things are going well.  I am feeling good, kinda getting over the trauma from Costa Rica.  Ever since William's death, I have actually felt as though he spirit had been lingering.  Things were getting so strange that I actually consulted with a psychic/medium to help me explain what was happening.   I have to take a moment and thank Jason Oliver  ( for the fabulous reading he gave me.  It was so wonderful and so amazing.  He has helped with William's passing, and with my grief.  This guy was the real stuff..  So if you need a reading, visit his web site and tell him that I recommended you!  I found out that William needed my forgiveness.  Needed me to forgive him for hurting me so badly, and for letting me down.  So, I told the fucker (my love), I forgive you, I love you, I miss you, Te Amo, and please "step into the light" just like Carol Ann!   Of course I was a bit less crass than that, but that's the just of it.  No more crazy things have happened since.   I hope that chapter is now closed in my life and I can get started on the future, whatever that may be.

Mom and Dad are going on a cruise for their 43rd anniversary.   So, I think we might have to have a big party while they are gone.  If you'd like to come, just email me :)
Hi and bon voyage to my friends Frank and Tracy for they are going to visit Paris next week for 2 weeks.  I wish I was going with them to see the Baron and Fabien.

Well, that's the scoop for now.  Ill be updating soon.   My book, It Only Takes One,  is coming along pretty well, so much to write about, but it's a direction, that's for sure.



April 25, 2002

Hello again!   Just finished packing and getting ready to leave tomorrow for New Orleans with Tim.   Tim is my best friend of 20 years.  The last time he and I went on a trip was for his 21st birthday when we went to Key West.   What a trip that was!  I remember trying to surprise Tim on the morning of his birthday with a bagel and a candle with a hotel room full of strangers singing happy birthday, and Timmy woke up and threw us all out of the room.  He then preceded to ream my ass out telling me I was an asshole because his hair was a mess and he looked like shit.   Trust me, there will be no surprise candle this birthday for him.

I got a very nice email from a girl named Laurie today from Princeton.   Laurie has been going through some major shit too over the last few months.  I want to thank her for her wonderful email and to say to hang in there.   Sometimes it takes  awhile before the good begins again.    I promise it will get better.. even if it gets worse before it gets better.  I think at this point if I can still be optimistic about this life, I think that almost anyone can.   Not being self centered because even as shitty as things have been for me the last few years, it certainly could be worse, but I just hope that anyone that reads these words can take a glimpse at what life is at this moment.

I told reminded my good friend Vicky today, after we ate dinner, to remember tommorrow morning when she sends the kids off to school just how short life can be.   Hug that kid, and tell your mom or dad you love them, cause that cliche that "life is short" or "you never know when your number is up" is so true.   This life, is about Love, Lessons, sometimes Pain, but always tests of your strengths.  Those tests always include the things that are dearest and mean the most to you.   Try to rememeber that, I know it's easy to forget.

Ciao For Now!!!
See ya after New Orleans!

April 22, 2002

Well it's been a month since William died.  In fact, this past weekend had a few landmarks.  The 20th would have been his birthday, the 21st was one month since the drowning, and tommorrow is one month since the funeral.  It's been tough, and a real test of my endurance, but with lot's of retrospective thinking, and lots of talking to family and friends, I'm makin it.   Thanks again for your thoughts.

On a lighter note.   This Thursday my friend Tim and I are going to celebrate our birthdays a bit eary at Jazz fest in "New Orleans".   Should be a great time, looking foward to finally getting to visit a  place I have not seen before.   I hear it's a lot of fun, and I can sure use the uplift at this moment.

I've been working on my book!  Yes, it's true, all that talk over all those years about writing a book and it's started and actually in process.   The name of the book at the moment is "It Only Takes One".   It's an autobiography of my life's adventures, from past to present.   My fight for my life, struggles with identity, philosophies on life, and the relationships with my friends, relatives, and strangers.   Lot's of dsyfunction, stories, and emotions in this book.   Ironically, it's going quite well.   I thank those of you that have read it so far and given me your wonderful input.
I am trying not to leave too much out....  Many will be mentioned in this book, and it will be a very eye opening experience.   There are many experiences in my life that I don't even talk about that I am addressing in the book.   There will even be a few people I am sure that it may piss off.

So.... that's the scoop for now.    I send best wishes to Krista and her students in their upcoming performance of Oklahoma.   I send warm thoughts and thanks to my friends James, Litho, David, Luis, Manuel,  Frank, Michele, Scott and Mark, Tim and Gary, Debra, Stacey, Howard and Matt, Jose, Robin, Paul Castro, and and my famly; all of which were so kind, and caring in their thoughts and actions during my Costa Rican crisis.   Thanks also to many of my cousins, aunts, and uncles for their kindness and compassion.

And for those of you that I did not mention, whom sent your words or kind thoughts, thanks to you as well.


April 18, 2002

We'll yesterday I made it to my therapist appointment.  What an emotional undertaking that was.  I made it through the entire Costa Rica William drowning story without a tear.  I actually couln't believe it.  Then, as I started to listen to the silence in the room, and began to analyze how much sadness I have experienced this last few years, I lost it!    It's so difficult at times, I gotta say.  So many loses in the last 2 years, including one of my best friends, who has decided our friendship wasn't worth a shit anymore.   All the heartbreak has been overwhelming, Break up with Jose, Paul moving to Boston, the lymphoma battle, William's death, my cousin's drinking, my sister's divorce, the list goes on and on.   I still try to just take life a day at a time, and remain as positive as one can be.

The scariest thing about my session yesterday with my therapist, was that I can see how some of my patients reach the breaking point.   I can see that in this moment, there is the possiblity of "cracking" and having a break down.   What a reality this has been.

Well, if ya ever need a person to compare your shit to, just give me a call.   You'll definitely see you haven't had it as bad as you might think you have.

Another thought!   My friend Debra is having a helluva time emotionally right now.  Mostly due to the draining physical fight she has had to endure.   Say a prayer for her to be strong, as I know that she will prevail... all she needs is a bit more confidence in herself.   I see her getting stronger everyday, but unfortunately, she will be the last to see it.  Cause that's how it works, we are always the last to see the improvement in our lives.


PS... Saturday, April 20th, is William's Birthday, it will be my last goodbye as I am going to the beach to have my own personal memorial for him.   It would have been the day that he wanted us to share vows, so I think it will be appropriate.


April 15, 2002

Sorry it's been so long since I did an update.  But it's been very difficult since the loss of William in Costa Rica.   I find myself thinking a lot about that whole time down there, it was some of the best of times and some of the worst of times.

My best friend Tim and I have been thinking on how to celebrate our birthdays.  Thoughts of Las Vegas, Atlanta, Key West, New Orleans, or even Costa Rica.  Tim's never been and I think he would have a great time.  I've also been debating about what to do next in this life of mine.  Returning to San Jose and visiting some of my friends there, or maybe going back to work as I seem to be getting a bit brain dead.   I'm hoping for some direction.

I've started on an antidepressant this week.   I think that's probably going to be a good thing as I have been very focused on the negative lately and not the positive.  I certainly don't want to be accused of being a hypocrite by those who's thinking I have influenced.  So, I'm taking some of my own advice which I tell my friends who are down ...and going to restart therapy and Celexa.

Tommorrow I think I'm going to start back at the gym and work on being beautful again! :0   Work that body, work that body.   Just call me Mr. Macho...

The family is doing well, everyone is healthy.  My Aunt Helen, Sister Regina Catherine, is down visiting Vero Beach for the month.. so it's nice to have a visitor here at the house.

Well... Talk to you soon...   ME

April 2, 2002


Have you made a difference?  Interesting way to start an entry?  Well? Have you? Have you made a difference in someone's life in this world.   Think back, has anyone in your life ever told you that you actually made them think twice or somehow influenced the way they might do something?  Well, I can shout it out loud that I have made a difference.  At least that's what I've been told.  It's an amazing thing when someone you haven't heard from in a long time tells you that you influenced their life.   I've been lucky to hear those words a few times.   Even recently from a guy who once was hospitalized for trying to commit suicide, who is now proudly a rescue worker in Connecticut, saving lives.

I bet you have heard it too!   Think hard.   I bet if you think hard enough you will see that someone appreciates you, that you have made a difference in someone's life.  Whether you bought them a candle or a flower, sent them a stupid email, gave a big hug when needed, or just made a joke at the right time which put a smile on their face.  Im sure you have made a difference.  That difference that you made is going to  influence someone you might not ever meet.   It's love in motion, a perpetuation, and it's the true meaning behind life.

When I get down and depressed, I think of what I have, not what I don't have, and I think of who has appreciated me for who I am.   I remember that I have made a difference, and I become content with the life I have lead.   Cause if I were to die tommorrow, I know that I have tried to make a difference in the way someone else see's life.  Are you content?  If not, then do something about it!

This month is my first Anniversary of being cancer free.  Oh yes, that's right, one whole damn year has flown by.   And in that year I can say that I have been lucky, very lucky to have been loved by some pretty wonderful people.   Of course my family to start, and the very close friends that I do have, but oddly enough loved by some pretty neat strangers.  Whether it be cute guys in a third world country of Costa Rica, some new best friend down the street, or some  ex-boyfriend that live in another state,  I can say proudly that I have been loved.   Have you?

If you are reading my words then you can be sure, you have been loved too!  By who?  Well by me of course!  Sure,  I know there are a few of you that read my words who I never hear from.   And that's' fine,  a wink of my eye to you.  There are also many of you that do write and wish me well and give me confidence to continue the strength to live; a wink and a kiss to you.   And then there is that one person out there, that might be reading my words for he first time and might say, WHOLLY SHIT, this guy has just given me a reason not to give up!   And to you I give a KISS on each cheek, a hug, and a great slap on the ASS cause now you understand what this thing called life is really about.

So, since I am probably not making much sense at this moment I will stop and say!   Thank you for being who you are, Thank you for sharing yourself with someone who needs to be comforted, thank you for understanding the journey I have been on, thank you for having the courage to live and the courage to hug someone you don't even know.

Life is great... it's short, and it's precious!  Please try to enjoy it while you can.   In an instant it can be ripped away, as did my boyfriend William.   One thing I can say about william, he lived every minute to the fullest, and that guy was loved by someone the day he died.  Please be loved and maybe love someone before you die.   Cause one day, you and I will be no more!

THANKS FOR THE VISIT!!  (the long ass entry has ended)


March 29, 2002

Life can be so crappie at times.  Just when you think you are back on top, and that the worst of things are over, you get another blow to test your endurance.   They say that God only gives you as much as you can handle... but damn it, I wish he wouldn't have so much faith in me.  My boyfriend William Gambora Argedas died on 3/21/2002 at 2:30 pm.  He was swimming in Costa Rica, at Manuel Antonio, and the undertow took him into the sea.   His body was found the next morning at 9:30 am.

I just got back from Costa Rica, and usually I have such fun stories to report.  Unfortunately, this time was to bury my Tico Boyfriend.  William was young, but the guy was full of potential, fun, and love.   We had such wonderful times together.  Lots of laughs, and even tears when the time came for me to leave.   One night, amongst many tears, Willie begged me not to leave.  I had to come home for a Cat scan and promised return for his birthday on April 20.  After we cried, I told William, when you are sad and missing me, look at the moon.... and when I am sad and missing you, I will look at the moon too!   And I bet that many nights we will be looking at the moon at the same time.  He cried more, but then kissed me and said, "te amo" (I love you).

The night that William was missing, I went outside to pray, and to find the moon!  I needed to see the moon to feel close to William.  There was no moon on that night that I could find.   There had been the night before, but on April 21st, nothing.   The next morning at 10 am I received a phone call.  They found his body on the rocks at the beach in Quepos.  I went outside to smoke a cigarette and cry.... and at 10 AM...  directly above me... there was a full moon, in the broad of day light.   The tears fell rapidly down my cheek.

I immediately booked a flight to San Jose and barely made the funeral.  It was one of the hardest moments in my life.   Such a talented beautiful boy, taken at such a young age.  He was a professional transformista.... (drag queen) and let me tell you.  This boy had just won a major contest and was going to be representing DeJa Vu (Major gay bar) in the Tranformista of the year pageant.  I believe he would have won.     You can see for yourself how beautiful he was.

I will miss you William, and I do understand his words from a song by La Ley, "Sin Dolor no te Haces Feliz"... Without pain, there is no happiness.... "Tu Lengua mi amor, y recuerdas...Yo Miro a la Luna para ti!"

And One Final thing:  On my flight back from the funeral.... in the airplane at dusk, I saw the sunset out my left hand window, and a full moon out the right hand window.  To me, this was a sign from William that his is there, and thinking of us.  Behold the moment captured on film.


March 22, 2002

I got some horrible news today..  I received a phone call that my new "boyfriend" has drowned at the beach in costa rica.  He's missing and this morning the coast guard is looking for him.  I am praying that he is a live and just missing.  Please take a moment to pray for him.  This is horrible...I cant believe that this is happening to me with all that has gone on this last 2 years.  God please pray for William.... and if you have taken him.. Pray for his soul.

            William and Me in february!

March 21, 2002 PM

James from Colours called me and told me that he heard from an unreliable source that William is missing at the beach and he may have drowned.   I'm praying that William has strayed and that he just didnt tell anyone.  I'm hoping this is all a nightmare, and that by tommorrow some good answers will come.  I've spent the night calling and Emailing anyone possible to see if the rumours are true and in fact there was a drowning at the beach..   I'm  a FUCKING mess..

March 21, 2002

So what's the scoop?  How you been?  Good to see you again!   Just got in from Long Island New York, and Jesus it was so cold there.   Not only was it 27 degrees..but it snowed.  Very yuk indeed.  Crappy enough for myself to catch an upper respiratory infection, but nothing major..  Just enuf to make me feel crappie.   I think I'm going to go back to Costa Rica again, maybe get an apartment for the month instead of wasting all of the parental moneys on hotels.   Have some frequent flyer miles I need to get rid of... and what the heck.. not much going on here.   I have a few more months until I feel confident I am in the clear medically and not have to worry about relapse.   April will be my 1 year anniversary, and guess what?  I don't want to be here to celebrate..   Can ya blame me?   So... I also have an invitation to come to Paris France, kinda scary for me.. I am thinking about it.    Would love to see Baron Paul and Fabian in Gay Paris...  Met them in San Jose this year... and had a wonderful time.  If ya ever get a chance to meet up with them, they are 2 of the nicest persons you will ever meet.

Still feel as though I am in Limbo.. but it's a good limbo I suppose.. not a bad limbo.  I have thought about just staying put and doing more volunteer work.. but it's hard for me to stand still with all the doctor's appointments, and jaunts to here and there.   I think this time I go anywhere, Im going to work some more on my book.   Lord knows. it's been since 9/11 since I picked up the lap top and typed.

Congratulations to my friend Frank and his reconciliation with Tracy.  I knew it would be... hopefully they will hang in there this time.  And Debra is doing well.. few bumps in the road here and there.. but I know she is going to prevail.  I told her it wasn't going to be easy, but would be doable.

Love to you all... Friends, Family, and the occasional new visitor!


March 4, 2002

Howdy!!!  Good to see your fabulous eyes again!  That's right.. I can see you when you read this stuff... and I feel ya in my heart.   So, if you're here, you're wanting some serious scoop on what's up with me and my life en this moment.   Well, as you might know already,  I was in Costa Rica for a month, and after a month, I fell for a 20 year old boy who just stole the ole heart away.   I know I know, I'm stupid... I've heard it from everyone, but Im trying to reevaluate things and say, It ain't going no where.... so, go back again and put closure on it now!  So, I'm leaving on Wednesday.    I probably wouldn't go back this soon, but William was in a car accident and was hurt a bit, nothing serious, but nurse Chris to the Rescue.

My family is doing good.. My sister Jean filed for her divorce, It's been really hard for her, after all it would be easier if her future ex was a jerk... but he is not.  He's a very nice guy!   I wish them all the love in my heart to mend.   I love you Jean!

Mom and Dad are great... My good friend Stacey is having some trouble with Post Pardum depression.  You guys were so great writing to Debra,  Im gonna ask you to maybe write to Stacey this time.    Her Email Address is, a quick click on the link and Im sure it might help.  Love you!

Debra's update:  Well, seems there's a bit of rejection going on with the reconstructive surgery!  So poor Debra is hanging on by a shred to keep her sanity!  She will be fine, as I've said from the start of it all... but maybe if ya have time.. another hang in there would be great.  Just Remember DEB....  YOU DON'T HAVE CANCER!!!! YIPPEE!....   Love ya. Email her at

As for my Health??? Well,  Blood work last week was great!   Have a check up tomorrow, and I think I'm due for a CAT scan in April.  If negative that will celebrate my FIRST year in REMISSION!!!  and Ironically ... this is the year of my 40th birthday.!!!  ( don't tell anyone)

So, I'm doing ok!  Think it's time to start some therapy again... maybe a new therapist cause I think between surviving the cancer, and the major break up with Jose, I'm ready to be institutionalized and diagnosed psychiatrically!~~   :)  But... I cherish life more than ever!

Geez.. some update... well.. I wont be back for 2 weeks... cause after Costa, Im visiting Michele and Carly and the rest of the bunch in Commack.  SO until then.. Keep smiling, stay sane..and if you get neurotic, there is always XANAX!! !  :)

MUAH....   Chris

FEBRUARY 20, 2002

My GOD, has it been a month already?  Well, so much has happened...  First off,  I have to thank everyone of you who took the time to write to my friend Debra.  She had her surgery and did well, a bit sore from all the hacking, I think the worst of it all was her falling asleep on a heating pad and getting burned.  Well, not really, but it was a kicker to the whole event.   I brought her back some of that spiritual healing holy water from Cartago, Costa Rica, and the minute she got it, she drank some.   So whatever the outcome of the surgery biopsy, I am very confident, she will be fine.  How can she loose, she's had wonderful support from all of you!  The love and the energy is definitely something that heals.  After all.. look at me!

A month in Costa Rica.. what an event that was.   Almost getting arrested for not paying a cab fare, Having love spats with my adopted boyfriend, and watching all the drugs in that country.. OH MY!!   But, on  a great note, I did meet some very interesting and wonderful people including the Baron of France and his lover Fabio, William Gamboa (my fill in 20 yr old  boy toy), and even some obnoxious Americans, but hey, it was all Good!   It's amazing how quickly the time went, and now I am back in Vero Beach, just waiting for who knows what.  Possibly a new trip to New York... or even  a trip in the spring to see the Baron in Paris.

The bad thing about having such a wonderful time away, is that coming back is such culture shock that Im having withdrawls.  I knew it would happen, but didn't think it would be this bad.   I'm sure there is a wonderful adventure on the horizons.... GOD told me! :)

I guess the next thing to wonder about is getting back into the work force.  Trying hard to get myself psyched...but it's hard ..that's for sure.   I have so much to be thankful for.. but soon I have to decide where to live, what to do.  Maybe Ill go back to school and do some computer stuff, who knows.  Looking for a new door to open, but until it does... Keep tuned in!  Love to you all.... and special hug to Debra.


JANUARY 20, 2002

Just got some Bad news  that my good friend Debra is going to have to have a double massectomy.   I am taking this moment out to say a prayer for my friend Deb and hope you can join me.  She is such an uplifting person, and now I want her to believe that all the giving that she has done for people over the years, is gong to pay off, and be returned to her 10 fold.   Her surgery is on February 7th in Palm Beach.  Her email address is,.   If you could click and send her a brief message telling her not to give up and to remain strong... the fear of Breast Cancer is overwhelming, just a quick note would be great...Maybe you can share a story of your own triumph over bad odds.  .Just let her know she is in your prayers.. .please??  This is not a chain letter.. .Just an excerpt from my Diaries at

Unfortunately I will be out of the country during Deborah's surgery.  Please if you read this update, take one moment and send a happy thought to my friend Deborah.   A happy thought, a caring thought, a compassionate thought, is that same wonderful energy that creates miracles in people's lives and provides warmth in their heart!.   And one day, just when you are down in the dumps and feel that life isn't worth much.... someone like me, or Deborah will be sending you our special thoughts to you, to help you get through the hardships that this world drops on us.   Many people all over the world have read these words... I am a lucky guy that my words touch so many people.   If my words have touched YOU, then I am grateful and feel so glad that my words touched your life, in some small way!  It means I have made a difference.  Now I would like my words to help make a difference in Deborah's outcome from this Mastectomy.

Please say A Prayer!

Love Chris

JANUARY 4, 2002

Well... the results are in!!!  CAT scan number  (# Im losing track), NEGATIVE>>>> ALL SYSTEMS GO!
Yep, that's right... still DaisyFresh and Clean!  I remain in remission and continue to thank everyone.. God, my friends, even some of my "enemies"... they give me the Oomph to keep it going !!   So, now comes the weird part... how to get back involved with life again.  I have been doing some volunteer work for the Dr.'s office in Fort Pierce.. been doing some case management and chart review to help them out.  It's been nice... but I need to find out when I can think bout going back to work full time.   This traveling is getting a bit boring actually.. and expensive.  Went out to Palm Beach this weekend.. went shopping with my new friend Bryan, we had a great time shopping at Armani, and doing  lunch and dinner.   Later that night we did go to a few of the bars.. but they weren't all that great.   This coming weekend Queer as Folk is back!  I certainly cant wait cause this along with Sopranos, Sex in the City, and Six Feet Under are my favorites.  Queer as Folk is on Sundays on Shotime.

I have a favor to ask of you all... My friend Debra is facing some scary stuff right now with a biopsy coming up, and if you can fit a prayer or two in to help give her the strength and courage to face the next path... I would really appreciate it.  She has been an Angel, and I know that with the energy and power behind everyone's prayers, and her courage and vigor, she will weather the Storm Just fine!!!

Think Im going to be returning to Costa Rica in a few weeks.   I have a free ticket to return on American Airlines, and I wanna use it before they go belly up!   Other than that, all things are great.. I feel good.. Didn't even get the flu.. I am so glad I got a flu shot this year..      HUGS

JANUARY 1, 2002

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! Oh, My goodness, what a year it has been!  From a crusie in the bahamas, to a hospital bed in Gainesville, Florida, to then travel around the country and to central America.   It's been a trip!  I've revisited some old boyfriends, met some new ones, and decided that being single, isn't the worse thing in life that could be.   I am thankful that I am in Remission with my lymphoma and to date, I have had no signs of relapse.  In fact, tomorrow morning, actually five hours from now, I will have another CAT scan to check and make sure that things are still "ducky".   After this test comes back OK, my next step is to set out and fall in love again.   Whether it be old love reborn, or new love, I'm ready to give of myself like I have never given before.   That next guy is going to be some lucky person! :)

New Years Eve was quiet for me... after spending time in Orlando for a few days, I decided to stay home this weekend and be with my family.  So at midnight I had  a Dirty Martini and a glass of Champagne, with my family as we watched the ball in Times Square come down.    The goose bumps did fly, as we all prayed nothing bad would happen.. and it didn't.

My prayers, thoughts, and love, is sent to you all that read my page.   I wish you all the best in this New year.  As it will bring it's ups and downs like every other year, I do suspect, it will be a far better year than the previous two!  Keep smiling, even if you don't feel happy, and sooner or later you will be feeling better!!!   PEACE! YOU GOOF BALLS!!!



DECEMBER 28, 2001

On December 23rd, I went to Orlando to pick up my friend Paul from the airport... My Costa Rican Friend who now lives in Boston.  He had never been to Disney, so, we did the Magic Kingdom and Pleasure Island.  Had a great time.  God a fabulous room at the Wyndham Palace for only 70 bucks a night... usually 300.   It was great to see Paul again, and wonderful to have someone close on Christmas morning.   That afternoon, we had another wonderful Ravioli dinner.   It was awesome... But the visit was too quick.  As Dec 26 I had to take Paul back to the airport.

I did manage to get to see my friend Cookie in Orlando.  We chatted for hours and caught up on stuff...She is such a sweet person... I wish she'd move back to Vero.

Well.. only days now until 2002.   I leave you with best wishes for the coming year... I hope and pray that this year is much better than 2001.



Click to Continue Reading my Journal



There have been so many people that have sent special thoughts, love, and prayers, who I would like to use this space to reciprocate the love, power, prayer, and good energy!

"My Loving Mother Carol Blatus"

My Father and my brothers and sisters

Special Thoughts to you Scott (aka Dirty Pig Boy) YOU GO BOY!!!

Dr Weeks and the Office staff at Dr. Weeks and Dr. Scott's Office

Thanks to  Dr. Pierone and his entire office

Dr. Lisette Llanes, Psy D

Jose Martes, Jr for your past love

Big hug to GSouthMan1 in Cape Cod

Shands Oncololgy Nurse's Doctor's and Students

Dr. Lynch at Shands, and his Staff

Thank Diane, Velma, and the gang at PV Martins for your thoughts and prayers.

Tim Noye, Gary Peruta, Cookie and Jim Chiappone

Michele, Reb, and Carly Reeve

Linda, Michael, and Jenny Samuels

Velma Jean Judware

D. Scott Williams

Debra D'Albora  Distant


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In the Beginning, there was HELL!!

              End of Round #2 At Shands Hospital
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